F*ck my life

Found this post up on the VC website...Fair warning...do not go to this site if you have things to do...i promise you will start in on some of these and not be able to quit...F@#k my life

here are some examples

Today, during a game of manhunt, my brother and his friends thought it would be funny to tie me to a telelphone pole with my very own multicolored jumprope from when I was younger. They left me there. My mom drove by, stared and then laughed, She kept driving. FML

Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. At that point I noticed my phone had fallen out of my pocket in the street and was run over by several cars. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML

Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room... my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML[

ya, i have seen that site before off one of the other forums. hilarious crap

dude thats so funny i have tears in my eyes from laughing

thats great man i laughed for a good 15 mins uncontrollably next to max this is great !!!!!

haha those are funny, but on the other hand F#$*ed up

Today, my lesbian sister enthusiastically showed me her new strap on. Not only does she get more girls than me, she now has a bigger penis too. FML

now that is some funny shit...gonna have to look at that website

djs03xtreme wrote:thats great man i laughed for a good 15 mins uncontrollably next to max this is great !!!!!

That doest sound right, if it is true then FML. JIMMY

WOW just wow

jimmy wrote:

djs03xtreme wrote:thats great man i laughed for a good 15 mins uncontrollably next to max this is great !!!!!

That doest sound right, if it is true then FML. JIMMY

yea i guess after i read what i typed it dont sound right lol ha ha

lmao quite addicting!

that sounds like my life. lol.

BURNS:

Today, I drove my two kids to their friends' houses. In my convertible, looking what I though was my best, I slowed down outside a bar with cute 20 year old girls in front. My daughter noticed the speed reduction and said, "Keep driving dad, you're fat and mom left you for a reason." FML


Today, I told my friend I hadn't had a period in 5 months. She asked me if I was pregnant. When I asked her if I looked 5 months pregant, she replied by saying "is that supposed to be a trick question?" FML

Today, I was sitting beside this cute guy on a bench. Suddenly, he goes, "I know we don't know each other very well, but would you like to have dinner on Saturday?" I turn to him with a goofy smile, and exclaim "I'D LOVE TO!" He gives me a weird look, turns his head and points to his Bluetooth. FML


just a few lol i am hooked on reading theses they change every day ha ha

got bored and found a few tonite:

Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my balls. FML

Today, I went to a huge party. My ex boyfriend was there who I still have feelings for, so I decided to make him jealous by making out with the really drunk guy next to me. While we were making out, he threw up in my mouth and all over me. Everybody found it hysterical including my ex. FML

Today, I was hard at work cleaning up from a party I had while my parents were out for the night. Not a bottle of beer or a red cup was left for them to find. However, my parents did find two of my friends in their bedroom, still passed out and naked from beer and sex last night. FML

Today, my boyfriend went to the aquarium. We were noticing the fishy smell, and I had made a comment about it. Then my boyfriend slowly, and seductively whispers into my ear, "It sort of reminds me of how you smell." FML

Today, while laying out, I kept feeling something misty, like a spray bottle. Curious as to what it was since it kept coming, I looked up, only to see the painters were peeing over the side of the house, and the heavy breeze was turning their piss into a refreshing mist for me. FML

Today, my mom : "You and your dad like all the same foods right? Try this for me", she then proceeds to give me a strawberry flavored jelly. I say that it tastes good and ask what she gave me. "It's my new nipple cream, I want to surprise your dad tonight." FML